JOHNNY CASH: THE MAN. THE MYTH. THE UNIDENTIFIED CREATURE.
Have you ever wanted a dog but thought, “What if it looked like something that lives under a bridge and demands riddles?”
Well, have I got GREAT news for you.
Meet Johnny Cash. Approximately 3.5 months old, 10 lbs, and quite possibly the result of a forbidden romance between a chupacabra and a gargoyle.
Johnny looks like he was assembled from leftover dog parts and brought to life during a thunderstorm. His ears have their own zip code, his eyes have seen things, and his DNA is probably classified.
A little about this handsome little cryptid:
Potty training: Surprisingly civilized for something that looks like it crawled out of a cave. He’s potty trained as long as he’s crated when unattended. Left to his own devices? We don’t negotiate with terrorists.
Strangers: Johnny assumes everyone is a potential threat until proven otherwise. He will need some time to decide whether you’re a friend or a government agent sent to capture him.
Affection: Once you’ve passed his extensive security screening, Johnny will attach himself to you like a haunted Victorian child. Personal space is a privilege you will no longer enjoy.
Other dogs: HUGE fan. Johnny doesn’t discriminate. He’ll befriend your dog, your neighbor’s dog, and probably a coyote if given the opportunity.
Interests: Toys, food, sticks, more food, possibly consuming souls of the innocent, other dogs, and staring at you like he knows how you’re going to die.
Breed: Chupacabra/Gargoyle mix. Possibly part bat, possibly part Muppet. We’re not ruling out a small amount of sewer rat.
Johnny’s ideal home:
Someone patient enough to let him come out of his shell, willing to provide unlimited snacks, and comfortable explaining to guests why there’s a small sleep paralysis demon on the couch.
In return, Johnny promises unconditional love, endless snuggles, and absolutely zero protection in the event of a home invasion. He will be hiding behind you.
Johnny Cash is available for adoption.
Please adopt him before he grows wings and flies back to his home planet.
Serious inquiries only. Exorcists need not apply. His adoption fee is $375
